The Point of Self Evaluation
There comes a point in time when we humans will start evaluating ourselves. It may be a question regarding our success, a level a happiness or our personalized fulfillment level. And when we do question ourselves, we will end up either disappointed or satisfied. As for me, this evaluation usually comes when my birthday is approaching. Probably a month or 2 away, I will start to do the evaluation on myself. That's just to see if I am happy the way I am and the place I am in, figuratively of course. On a side note, I tend to be terribly down on luck during this period.
So here it is, 2 days from my actual birthday. Well I'm turning mid twenties. I don't have much. for starters, I graduated almost a year back but till date, I'm still seeking employment. I don't volunteer for charities as much as I did before and I'm no longer doing the one passion I have anymore; teaching.
I'm sure I can be employed in a blink of an eye if I lower my standards and what not. Probably also take on other mundane non interesting positions but I am very reluctant to do so. I don't foresee myself waking up before the break of dawn to get myself out from bed and prepare to work 9 hours straight on a job which I barely have any interest in. However, that doesn't mean that I like staying aimless and jobless.
I always believe in giving back to the society. But ever since I started school, the amount of charity work I do hands on sank faster than the Titanic. And when I graduated, I practically stop doing anything other than teach; about that I shall explain later. For now, the only charitable work I do I probably to attend social events especially those associated with charities. I want to get back the zest which I once had for causes like this. And as ironic as it may be, I have just received an email from one for the charities I volunteer for and they are seeking volunteers for a project called The Wishing Well for the less fortunate children which I am still considering about joining.
About teaching, well, that's my passion. But lately, I'm not sure if I'm still passionate about it any longer as the flames are flickering. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy teaching. I love the fact that what I'm teaching now may one day be used when the child is growing up. Well, actually whatever I teach WILL be used as I do have students from the lower primary. Previously, I was teaching full time at a special needs school. I loved it there, but the commuting was a chore. Also, I had to be in school for a good 7 hours and of which, the amount of actual teaching I do is probably 1-3 hours. The rest of the time was allocated for lesson planning, administrative work, meetings, markings and preparation of lesson material. I constantly have to have paper brought back home to mark. The salary wasn't fantastic and I didn't get to do what I wanted to do most of the time hence I resigned. Well, not entirely true as I also wanted to take a 2 months vacation around China. Up till now, some of my kids still remembers me. A few of them which were more of like the teacher's pet (My pets) are on my facebook friend's list and we do chat occasionally. Now that all of my students have either gone back to their home country or finished with their PSLE and O'Levels, I'm left with no students. Life everyday is crazy. I have long hours of doing practically nothing. There are only that many videos and sites which interest me on the net. I've finish watching all my favorite TV series and I'm getting really frustrated.
So that's that. I'm still not giving up hope. Every other day, I'll log on the web to look for interesting job listings and apply. That my job for now.